What do you call something you should prepare yourself for when having sex with a prostitute? A.I.D.S

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the world flooded and everybody died how did they die? the all fell into lava!

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A Polish man came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I'm home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun, put it to his head, pulled the trigger, and died instantly. His children and lecherous wife are forever scarred.

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guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

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Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

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Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

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What happened to the prisoner who dropped the soap while in the shower with other men? Another prisoner picked up and gave it to him and finished showering and felt squeaky clean.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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What did the blind, deaf, quadriplegic boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why, but I was standing on the other side of the road and I took it home and mamed the chicken with a powerdrill.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse doesn't reply because horse can't talk.

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teacher: what comes after 69? johnny: mouthwash teacher: get out.

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What do you call a horse with no eyes? A horse with no eyes.

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Two people on a boat, Pete and Repete. Pete fell off and Repete radioed the Coast Guard, who sadly got there just in time to watch him drown to his death.

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Why was Jenny walking home alone from school? Because three years ago her parents were murdered brutally by a drug dealer and social services haven't yet realised that Jenny is still living in the empty house.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He gets extremely drunk and gets hit by a train.

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What jew get for christmas? Your money.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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A man walks into a bar. He has three drinks, then he leaves because he realizes he needs to get home because he has to get up early to go to his job in the morning.

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Q: why are kittens so cute? A: because god created them that way. go fourth and enjoy kittens.

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What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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Q: Why did the man move out of his house? A: He found another, for a better price.

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A white man and a black man are standing on the edge of a 20 story building. The view from up there is rather nice.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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