What did david give back? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Here is the worst joke ever. ..... Dislike this and you are awesome!! P.S. I'm serious. I want to make a joke with the MOST DISLIKES ever! Don't think this is reverse psychology. I don't do that shi*t.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What happened when man put a dog in the blender? He got arrested for Animal abuse

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is an overused joke on a kid's cartoon. Thank me later.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did Canada say to America? We will not become apart of the United States where people are known as Fat Nascar lovin hicks!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Q: How many ghetto people does it take to carry a fat gorilla? A: 14

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"bluar blah blah blarRR/ the stupid pointless part" dead people/ animals/ objects can't talk/ drive/ operate compueter, lol I'm so focken funni

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the kid say when the doctor said he had cancer Oh No

thumb_up thumb_down -18

roses are red violets are blue you little stupid a*s b**ch i aint f***ing with you

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the chicken cross the road? I forgot.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a white guy with no friends? A white guy with no friends

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting on a doorstep? Whatever his name happens to be

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A man is walking in a bar and then leaves once he gets his drink

thumb_up thumb_down -18

why did the boy loose his job.... because he was only 14,dont know how he got it in the first place Chuckles

thumb_up thumb_down -18

They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know chickens are absent minded creatures that can aimlessly walk around.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the rock say to the other rock? Nothing, they had just met and both were very shy.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What's big and long? My dick.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

24

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops