I was Born ready I was born naked.

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms Why didn't Sally get back up? She had no legs Guess who's getting prosthetic legs for Christmas! Not Sally.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. I don't believe you.

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What's worse than a pimple? Finding out it's a botfly.

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how come bob felt 'under pressure'? because somebody dropped a dumpster on him

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Knock Knock! Who's there? No one. No one who? Cares.

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What do you call a dead black person? A corpse.

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Why did Little Billy trip? Because I shot his foot off.

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Knock Knock Whose there? I have a gun and candy, get in the van

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What mouse walks on 2 legs, Micky mouse. What duck walks on 2 legs, All ducks you dip shit.

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-Can I ask you one question? -Yes. -Thank you.

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What did Thomas Jefferson's children call him? Grandpa

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Q: Whats about two feet in width and length with purple veins throbbing at the sides? A: A midget slowly dying of frostbite

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"Knock Knock" "You know the doorbell is working?" "Oh, well, you know I'm here now. May I come in?" "Yes, have a cup of tea"

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Why did the man write with a pen on paper? Because he was writing a novel.

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what do you find at the top of mountains? things

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when life givs you lemons, make lesbian porn

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What kind of key can unlock a banana? Basically any key that is sharp enough.

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Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? Everywhere.

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I hate it when people talk about concentration camps... my grandad died in one He fell off the guard tower

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Not having an apple, reguardless of its inhabitants.

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Q: Why was the little girl not allowed to watch the pirate film? A: Due to the violent scenes and coarse language, her parents decided it was inappropriate.

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How many babies does it take to paint a barn red It depends how hard you throw them

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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