Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land... it's called having a swimming pool

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Limerick There once was a man from mass whos balls were made out of brass he clank them together to make stormy weather and lightning came out of his ass

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Have you seen Stevie Wonders house? No. Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

what do you call a black man in a car? -a person who passed his drivers test

thumb_up thumb_down -48

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? There are many things that could be considered worse than finding a worm in one's apple. In addition, the matter of better or worse depends upon the point of view of the person in question, so what is worse than finding a worm in one person's apple may be preferable to finding a worm in another person's apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

teacher: what do you call a math book with no writing in it?! student: idk what? teacher: a notebook! student: ok... thanks

thumb_up thumb_down -66

What did batman say to robin before getting into the bat mobile? Don't touch my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Probably just one.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

tomatoe tomato my toe is named tom

thumb_up thumb_down +55

A Penguin walks in to a bar. then he walks out.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

why was the woman out of the kitchen, because she had to have sex with her husband in a bed

thumb_up thumb_down +47

What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? - "Get down"

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What did the apple say to the banana. Nothing fruits cant talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

*knock knock* "Who's there?" "It's the police, I'm afraid your husband was in a car crash and died."

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Your momma's so fat; She has a constant sense of insecurity due to the instability in her relationships caused by her involuntary obesity.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A: why did the kid run out of lead B: because his dad broke into his house raped his wife and stoll everything he owned

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Gay Rights

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock. Knock. Who's there? Pizza guy. Just a minute, I have to grab my wallet.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a mexican with a broom in his hand? a man who likes to keep his office at his own company clean

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why can't Helen Keller conduct a Train. Because she is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? The trip to find a blonde wig suitable for a snowman, especially if you are picky and have a certain wig in mind, generally takes up more time than not searching for a wig at all.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man walk into a bar he buys a few drinks. When he is done the bar tender gives him his check. Man told the bar tender he has no money to pay for it. Bartender says," ok how about this we have a horse in the back that hasn't laughed a day in his life if you can make him laugh you get the drinks for free." so man proceeds to do so. A few minutes later man comes out horse is dying. So the man gets his drink for free. A few days later man comes back with the same deal. So the bartender tells him" that horse hasn't stopped laughing since you went back there. If you can make him stop you get your drinks for free." Man goes in a few minutes later comes out horse is crying. Man man is remarked by how he did it but he doesn't question it. A few days past the man comes back an the horse is still crying...... So the bartender ask the man how he did..... Man says," first I told him I had a bigger dick then him....second time I proved it"

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Guy at computer: My computer won't turn on. Help desk Guy: Did you try restarting. Guy at computer: No. The help desk guy hangs up and the guy at the computer proceeds to cry because he has failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

how do you know if your friend is your best friend? if he cries you cry, if he laughs you laughs, if he jumps out a window you laugh again.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops