how do you get your son or daughters attention? break down the door to their room and promptly begin beating them with a wooden baseball and then tie them up to a chair and torture them for 24 hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the city on the other side. He hoped he could find work in one of the city's cheap factories. He needed money for his family: he could not bear to see them slowly starve for any longer. If he could get a lowly-paid job he may be able to just sustain them. But he knew it could not last for long. He would probably die on the streets or in the slums, cold, lonely and starving. But it was a risk worth taking - he could not see his own family waste slowly away like so many of his friends had.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? Jews undergo metabolism, maintain homeostasis, possess a capacity to grow, respond to stimuli, reproduce and, through natural selection, adapt to their environment in successive generations. More complex living organisms can communicate through various means.[1][5] A diverse array of living organisms (life forms) can be found in the biosphere on Earth, and the properties common to these organisms—plants, animals, fungi, protists, archaea, and bacteria—are a carbon- and water-based cellular form with complex organization and heritable genetic information. Pizza does not.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Get the FREE anti jokes app with loads and loads of anti jokes anywhere you go, even offline! All the funniest and most popular, and loads more new ones. Why not? After all, it's free! http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hilarious-anti-jokes-lite/id438092279?mt=8&ls=1

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A blind man walks into a book store. He asks if they have any books in Braille. The employee says "Yes! Many you haven't even seen before!"

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

If Chuck Norris has $5 and you have $5 then all together you have $10. It was announced that the obverse portrait of Alexander Hamiliton would be replaced by the portrait of an undecided woman, starting in the year 2020. If you wait long enough, you can exchange the $10 for the new $10 bill.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A small black boy was walking down the street. He ran into a police officer and the police officer shot him, why? A: Because the officer was racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

This is an anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I know you are but what am I? Gay.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Question: What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Answer: Being raped by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

101 ways to annoy people 1.) lying about having a 101 ways to annoy people

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Whats worse than 10 dead babies in 1 trashcan? 10 dead trashcans in 1 baby

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock knock Who's there? The events which followed are described by police as the August 4th massacre in which a family of five were brutally murdered by two prison escapees who broke into the house in search of a place to hideout.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the frog cross the street? To make babies

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Knock Knock. Who's there? An astronaut. He's all alone in the vacuum of space. No one hears him knocking.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what did the dog say to the cat? give me back my dog food.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was DEAD! But why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey... But then why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? P-p-p-p-eer pressure

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did Timmy fall down the stairs Because he is blind and I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What is a dog's favorite color? None,dogs have colorblindness.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

what do you call an astrounaut in space? an astrounaut you racist bastard

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops