Where do you find a good lawyer? In the cemetary

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Omg you bought a Prius? Children in Africa are starving and could have used that money to buy food.

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why was the little girl crying in her dads arms? Because he was strangling her

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If Johnny has 5 apples and Susie has 7 apples, will they give them to the homeless?

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Why was the man so hungry? Because he hadn't eaten in days.

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Why do black people like bananas? Because bananas have potassium which therefore gives them bigger muscles, which is why they excel at every sport we white people suck at.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven was a registered sex offender.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a room? This is impossible as dead babies are incapable of achieving such a feat.

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What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.

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The following is neither a joke or anti-joke. It's a brainteaser. It's called the Monty Hall Problem. Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind 1 door is a car; behind the other 2 doors are goats. You then choose a door. The host then opens another door and reveals a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to stick with your choice or switch?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice? The correct answer yes, switching gives you a better odds of winning. Why? There is a simple way to understand it without the mathematical demonstration. Suppose we have the three doors 1, 2 3 and the number 2 is the winner. If you choose not to change , of course the chances to win is 1/3. Now. what happens if you decide to change? The answer is that if you initially chose an incorrect door, you will always win. In the example, if you initially chose the door 1, the presenter will open door 3(because the door 2 is the winner so he can't open that door) So if you change you will win. The same happens if you initially chose door 3(the presenter will open door 1 and if you change you will win). You will only loose if you initially chose door 2(the presenter will open door 1 or 3, and when changing you will loose) So the conclusion is that if you always decide to change, if initially you have chosen ANY(and any in capital letters!) of the TWO incorrect doors you will win. So the chances when changing is 2/3.

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What do you call an African American who flies a plane? A Pilot

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Why did the chicken cross the road? A man held him at gunpoint and threatened to kill his entire family.

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Q. What is a similarly between Jewa and Pizza. A. There both baked in a over

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to properly balance himself.

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Ever hear the joke about the blind guy taking care of the baby ? ... Good, because it's not funny to make fun of blind people and I doubt a blind guy would ever be legally taking care of a baby.

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A black man, an Asian man, and a Mexican man jump off a bridge. They were all suffering from chronic depression and couldn't take the pressures of life anymore.

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knock knock who's their panda panda who shut up I never said yo name and don't call me black

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Have you noticed when you see geese flying and they're in a V pattern, often one side will be longer than the other? Do you know why that is? There are more geese on that side.

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Brett Favre sent me a pic of his penis. I then compared it to my own and felt good about my general ackage size

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Wanna know what makes me smilee? Facial Muscles

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why did the boy fall of his bike He got shot in the face

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What has eight wheels and cost more than a Lamborghini? Two Lamborghinis.

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Your mom is so skinny that she may have anorexia, yet she could treat it so she doesn't die.

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Q. what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? A. nothing you done told her twice already

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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