A mosquito flies into a bar and orders a bloody mary, the bartender then takes out a swatter and kills the pest. Noticing the event, the patrons cheer and continued drinking their frothy beverage. Minutes later, the phone rings and the bartender answers the phone. "Hello?" "Hi, I'm looking for a friend of mine, is he there?" "Let me check, by the way, what's his name?" "Jack Hoff" "One sec. HEY FELLAS(yelling over the noisy bar), IS THERE A JACK HOFF HERE? I NEED A JACK HOFF! ANYONE?" Mr. Hoff, sitting at the bar hears this and asks, "who is it?" "He said he's a friend of yours!" "Which one?" " He said his name's Dick Stroker and he needs help on something hardhe'll meet you around back." "Oh ok, thanks."

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How many band geeks does it take to catch a football? One, especially if he/she is on the football team.

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world peace

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Firgen and the blung brigade

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4 out of 4 questions. You want to cross the lake, but alligators live in that river. How do you get across? The alligators aren't there. They're all at the lion king's meeting.

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Why did Timmy pass his chemistry exam? Because he studied.

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what do you call postman pat after he's retired? Pat.

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A man named Jack has three kids. The oldest is named Jordan, the middle one is named Kim, and the youngest is named Alex. One day Jordan walked up to his father and asked him how his day was. His father replied, "It was fine."

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Why does Gandalf have special powers? Because Dumbledore died.

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The Chinese government. The way they treat their citizens just isn't funny.

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What did Susie get for Christmas? AIDS.

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How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

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How do you teach another person's son to ride a bike? You don't. Let his real parents teach him to ride a bike.

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Your mom is so fat when she sat on wallmart she lowered the prices

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What's so great about twenty-three year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Woman rights.

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Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

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Q. How many Jews can you fit in a car? A. Four, I drive a Volkswagen Jetta

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Somebody pushed it.

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A man comes home to his wife sleeping with their neighbor. This lead to their divorce four months later.

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Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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Why did Timmy lose the race? He had no legs

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what do you call a black man wearing a makeup? A clown

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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