Chuck Norris walks into a bar. somebody recognizes him and immidiately asks for his autograph

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where's my tractor

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How did Barry Bonds break the career homerun record? A combination of natural ability, practice, and a plethora of performance enhancing drugs.

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What is the best way to run a race? Start out fast, run fast in the middle, and finish fast.

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Whats black and white and red all over. A penguin in a blender.

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What happens when you give someone a free chocolate bar? ThEeyroast it and vapourise it intheir hands....no they eat it

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How many Druggies does it take to make toast. One.

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What's the difference between a bicycle? An orange because it has no sleeves.

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What's better than having sex ? Having sex and being rich.

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What do you get when you cross a surfer and a black man? An angry surfer and an angry black man. You really should be nicer to people.

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what happened to the baseball player who couldnt throw? he was very unsuccessful, as throwing is the most important skill of the game

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Q: What do you get if you combine a melody, instrumentation, rhythm, and vocals? A: Um, music, you idiot.

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Q: whats better than having sex? A: nothing

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What does a horse and a donkey have in common? They are both very different from trees

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What do you call a gay Chinese math teacher? A gay Chinese math teacher.

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Why was the girl crying? - Someone pooped on her face.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding two worms in your apple. and being an orphan.

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When is a door not a door? Never, a door is an inanimate object and is thus incapable of transforming.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's bigger.

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What's the difference between a chair and an identical chair? Nothing.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, You were adopted and I couldn't think of a good way to tell you...

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Guess what? AIDS!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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