Roses are red, I'm tired... I think I'll lie down now

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was already in the oven.

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Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

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Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

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KONY 2012

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Q: why are you gay A: because your physically attracted to the same sex

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What happened to the guy who bought a nice, brand new, plasma screen t.v.? He hanged himself.

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A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

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How do you know there's an elephant in your refrigerator? Look at your refrigerator.

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what do you get when you combine an astronaut, a microwave and a bathtub? A suicide investigation

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Roses are red, Violoets are blue, I accidentally shat my pants. Brb

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There once was a man from Dundee. He got stung by an angry wasp. He put some Bactine on it. He lied down and took a rest He felt much better the next morning.

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Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

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Yo mama so old, she might die soon

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How do you confuse Hellen Keller? Put her in a circular room and tell her to find the corner.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Santa isn't real.

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roses are red, violets are blue, apparently you are blind or else I wouldn't be telling this to you.

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What do dogs call gaseous exchange? Woof!!

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There was a black and a mexican man in a car. Who was driving? None of them; it was the police driving.

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Knock Knock Whose there? The pizza you ordered That's weird, the Pizza I ordered shouldn't be able to talk

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How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

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What has eight legs and one eye? Two chairs and half a pigs face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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