What happened to the guy who bought a nice, brand new, plasma screen t.v.? He hanged himself.

A man walks into a bar... he is blind so it isn't funny

KONY 2012

There once was a man from Dundee. He got stung by an angry wasp. He put some Bactine on it. He lied down and took a rest He felt much better the next morning.

Whats the difference between a fish and whale? Ones bigger than the other.

Yo mama so old, she might die soon

A wife asks her husband if he can fix the sink and he responds with Do I have plumber written on my forehead. Then she asks him if he can fix the porch and he responds with Do I have contractor written on my forehead. So the husband goes on vacation and comes back to find the sink and porch fixed and he asks his wife how it is fixed and she says that the new neighbor helped. So she says the neighbor said he would only do it for cake or sex. The husband respond by saying Which one did you choose. His wife responds by saying Do I have Betty Crocker written on my forehead.

Why was Cathy sad. Her husband Drew was killed by a land mine on a peace keeping mission to Iraq.

There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

roses are red, violets are blue, apparently you are blind or else I wouldn't be telling this to you.

What do dogs call gaseous exchange? Woof!!

How do rocket scientists exchange greetings? They say "hi"

Knock Knock! Who's there? Santa isn't real.

Knock Knock Whose there? The pizza you ordered That's weird, the Pizza I ordered shouldn't be able to talk

How do you confuse Hellen Keller? Put her in a circular room and tell her to find the corner.

There was a black and a mexican man in a car. Who was driving? None of them; it was the police driving.

J.D. has 10 vaginas and 2 penis's

What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

horses are burgers now ive got the flu watch out tescos because im gonna sue

why doesn't the werewolf like Ferrari's a werewolf being a mythical creature would most likely not have a preference as to what kind of car he drives because he would not exist

How do you get a Hooker Wet? Dump her in a River.

Why do black men like bit butts? Because they can not lie.

Why was the Pædophile arrested? He hit his wife.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...