Q: Why did the black man break into the house? A: Because he was poor and couldn't afford his daughters cancer treatment.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How many babies can you fit in a blender? Depends how hard you push.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A ninja walked into a dojo and was kindly greeted by his master.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

yo mamma's so fat, when she jumped into the ocean, everyone yelled "tsunami!".

thumb_up thumb_down -28

why couldnt justin beiber get into the club? because hes not legal

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I like my women like I like my coffee.......... I don't like coffee

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A man comes home to find his wife sleeping with another woman. He molests them both.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Jake. Walsh.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

knock knock. who is there ? nobody.you have no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A:Hi, do you like to blow bubbles? B:Yea... A:Hi, my names bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -30

There was a black and white spotted dog named Louis. Why did they call her that? Because, that's what they named her.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What do u call a gay dinosaur? Dinosaurs don't exist

thumb_up thumb_down -30

im in stttttttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttttttccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you call a large group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What's the difference between a 7 year old boy and a 50 year old man? Hair.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What do you call a boy with no arms or legs and an eyepatch? names...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A man walks into a bar, and says to the bartender, "Do you know where the library is located?" The bartender describes to him that the closest library is three blocks down, next to the red brick building with a green roof.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Seven people walk into the same bar, like a solid pole. Ouch!

thumb_up thumb_down -32

A guy walks into a bar and says ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? BECAUSE HE WAS DEAD.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops