Yo momma is so fat that she is overweight

thumb_up thumb_down +10

roses are red violets are blue pornhubs down your mums facebook will do.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man sat on a chair

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the hamster not eat it's food? Because it wasn't hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q: What did jerry sandusky do with little boys alone? A: Teach them how to play football

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walked into his house to find that his wife was cheating on him with another man. He was furious, and killed himself

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Your Mom

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I got a joke for ya. George W. Bush was our president. He is a joke, but no one is laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

An alphabet walks into the post office and asks for a letter. What does the postal worker give the alphabet? Nothing. Alphabets can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a man walked into a bar....

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

thumb_up thumb_down +8

a fat old hobo named da'shovant'e ate a bucket of fried chicken then killed a little girl named poopface McFergusen

thumb_up thumb_down +8

There once was a man from Nantucket who lost most of his savings by making bad investment decisions.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the cow say to the horse? Mooo

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a room with an oven and ten Jews in it? A kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Sometimes I don't make sense, but when I do, I don't

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call two black men and a hispanic man in the back of a car? The punchline of this joke is offensive, and might bring legal troubles to Anti-Joke.Com and it's subsidiaries. For these reasons, Anti-Joke.Com will not allow it to be shown.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How are people and jelly beans similar? No one likes the black ones

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops