What is worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

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What's faster than a black man with a TV? olympic sprinters, cyclists, street legal cars, speed boats, helicopters, commercial airliners, bullets, fighters jets, missiles, SR-71, space shuttles, rocket ships, anything in orbit, excited electrons, and quite a lot more, actually.

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Onions are like loved ones... They are both nouns. And you cry when you cut into them.

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Why can't Tommy ride a bike? Because Tommy is a goldfish.

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What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

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What's woman spelled backwards? Sandwich-maker.

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What do a snake and a bird have in common... They both fly, except the snake

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angelosnyder is not gay

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a boy with asperges asked me a question today he asked me again and again because he has asperges

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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What is bloody and has two legs? Half of a cat.

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Hi my name is Lisa Hi Lisa my name is Karen. Nice to meet Karen Likewise...

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roses are red viloits are blue Bernard is hot but then i led to you

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How do you stop a clown from smiling? Hit it with an axe!

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What's black and white and has difficulty turning corners? A nun with a javelin stuck through the neck.

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yo Mama so stupid that she took a piece of paper and taped it on the t.v and called it paperview.

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Did u hear bout the guy who went to the donut shop yeah he has brown hair

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what did the farmer say when he lost his red tractor?

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knock knock who's there? Bill Bill who? Bill Smith, we went to high school together. Oh hey Bill, come on in.

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What do you call a horse with wings and a horn on his head? Drunk

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your mommas so fat i like fat cows is she home?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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