What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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Q: What did your mom say to your dad? A: Honey i want a divorce.

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Why did humpty dumpty fall off the wall? Because he was pushed.

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How did the black man get a new television? He worked hard and put away a small percentage of his weekly wage in order to save for this new addition to his household.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I am colourblind so screw you!

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What do you give a sick bird? First-Aid tweetment.

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they say that cancer can't pass but why do three our your uncles have it

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So there's this boy who really love clowns. His room is adorned with circus and clown posters and his one dream is to go to a circus and see a clown. One day he sees an ad in the newspaper for a circus that was headed toward his town. He begged and pleaded to his parents to let him go, and when they finally agreed he was ecstatic. The boy was in awe of all the things that the circus held, elephants, lions, tightrope walkers and trapeze artists, but there was nothing he was more excited for then the main show with the clowns. He took a seat and out came the clown on a unicycle. The boy was having the time of his life, when the clown suddenly called for someone from the audience. The boy immediately ran to the center of the stage. The clown asked the boy "Are you a horse's head?" then held the mic to the boy. "No," he replied. "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" The crowd erupted in laughter and the boy was mortified. He ran out of the circus tent and vowed never to return. He grew up with a hatred for clowns and even had to see multiple therapists. 30 years passed and the boy was now a man. The man looked in his morning paper, only to see that a circus was in town. He decided he would visit one last time. There it was, the elephants and tightrope walkers. And then he saw it, the same clown from 30 years ago in the same show. He walked up and the clown asked the same questions. "Are you a horse's head?" "No." "Are you a horse's mouth?" "No." "Then you must be a horse's BUTT!" Then man the took the microphone from the clown and said, "Screw you clown."

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A man runs into a bar, he is in a coma for 7 years and most likely going to die, of severe brain damage.

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How many Jews died in the Holocaust? Not enough.

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When the black man was driving his car, why did he stop in front of the gun store? Because his car's velocity reached zero at that location.

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A man sees Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles and tells his friends about the incident. They believe the story, because it is entirely plausible that it actually happened.

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What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Having a refrigerator fall on you

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if you read this you are gay

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how many jews can you fit in an oven? -well zero because the conventional oven cannot fit a full sized human

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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What's the longest, hardest thing on a black man? His femur.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Waterboarding.

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What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

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how long has dibey got left like :)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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