why did jimmy fall of the swing? He had no arms or legs!

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I saw a man lying on the floor. He ate too much cake.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I regurgitate doorknobs

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Three men walked into a bar. They looked around, saw that it was pretty crowded, and decided they'd feel more comfortable going somewhere a little less busy down the road.

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Q: How mature are you on a scale of 1 to 100? A: 69. :)

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What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? I don't know man, but you touch yourself at night.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Any number of chickens plus one person.

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Knock knock Who's there? The police Ahh shit

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What do you call a man who stole from a thief? A thief, no matter whom you are stealing from the consequences are dire.

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Why did the policeman arrest the black man? He had commited a crime and murdered somebody.

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What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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How is nothing something if it is nothing?...

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PATHETIC

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Your momma's so fat that when she uses a hoolahoop, she gets tired after one try and has to stop.

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boobs

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A blonde brunette and redhead all jump off a building. Who hit the ground first? The brunette because she jumped first

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Fat people.

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One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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Arsonist: Hey, did you listen to my mixtape? ... It's really good.

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a tree house? Well, she did.

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Why is a bear like a cloud? They are both blue.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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