Why didnt little timmy have a pencil? He was poor

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How do you stop your baby crawling in circles? Pick it up and smother it.

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I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

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What's black and can't speak? A garbage can.

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roses are red carnations are white dont go to bed or ill f**k your friend dwite

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on a deserted island when they come across a magic lamp. The brunette rubs the lamp and a genie appears! The genie offers them each a wish. They all make their wishes, but none of them come true as the genie was simply a hallucination brought on by severe trauma and dehydration.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh yeah... You're mute.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "why the long face?" The horse replies, "I am Sarah Jessica Parker."

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What's woman spelled backwards? Sandwich-maker.

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What did the fat guy say after his weight-reduction surgery? I'm gonna sue the clown pants out of McDonalds

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What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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why did the black man get kicked out of the hospital? nothing was wrong with him.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Milkman. Milkman who? I've been coming here for 14 years and you don't even know my name? I helped take your mother to the hospital for crying out loud! I held you in my arms as a baby! And you don't even have the decency to remember MY NAME?! I'm sorry I don't live in a house that allows milk and other groceries to be delivered, I'm sorry that I wasn't born into a nice family with a nice home! I'm sorry that I have had to come here EVERY WEEK FOR FOURTEEN YEARS and you can't even remember my NAME! My name! I left my family for christmas one year to go pick up that elmo doll for you when you were a kid! I saved you from that burning treehouse! I helped you with you're 3rd grade science fair project and you won! YOU WON! We took a picture together that i have kept in my wallet. And i proudly say here's me and timmy. ME AND TIMMY! TIMMY! But no...you don't need to know my name. Well good day sir. You shan't see me again.

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Why can't Tommy ride a bike? Because Tommy is a goldfish.

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Female rights.

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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what is white on top and black on the bottom? Society

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Two peanuts were walking down the street, one was assaulted, the other was brutally raped.

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What did Hitler say to Obama Nothing because Hitler is dead.

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What's faster than a black man with a TV? olympic sprinters, cyclists, street legal cars, speed boats, helicopters, commercial airliners, bullets, fighters jets, missiles, SR-71, space shuttles, rocket ships, anything in orbit, excited electrons, and quite a lot more, actually.

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How do you confuse a chicken? Paint yourself black and throw seeds at it.

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What is worse than getting raped? Getting raped twice.

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angelosnyder is not gay

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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