A baby seal walks into a club.

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They see me rolling' Up my sleeves for some volunteer work at the local shelter

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why did the duck fall in the water? It got shot

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Why was the orange so serious? He was trying to concentrate.

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Rose's are red, violets are red, trees are red, bushes are red, oh God the garden's on fire.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gun store to buy a gun. After years of abuse and mockery, he was tired of being called "chicken", and was going to shoot up the entire school

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What do you call a seagull that flew into the bay? Wet.

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Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock

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Why can't Helen Keller have sex? She is dead

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Why couldn't little Sally fall asleep? She was on fire.

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Why was the young Jewish boy afraid at camp? Because his scoutmaster is a pedophile.

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A blind man, a black man and a rabbi walk into a bar. The blind man trips violently.

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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Where did Jonathan go when the bombs hit? Everywhere.

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Why didn't the black man eat a packet of crisps? Because he didn't have any.

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Q: How do you stop a baby from crying? A: You hit it with brick.

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Why was 6 afraid of seven? because 7 brutally beat and raped 9

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What do you say when someone attempts to steal your cheese? Give me my cheese!!!

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Doctor, doctor, it hurts when I hit my head with a hammer!! Dont hit your head with a hammer anymore.

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You know, people are kind of like trees, they tend to fall over when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

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THIS ONE IS MIIINE THIS ONE IS MIIINE I AM TOTALLY TIFA I AM TOTALLY TIFA! This one apparently.

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Q: How do you make scrach paper? A: Take a paper and scrach it.

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Person 1: Knock Knock Person 1: Who's there Person 1: me me you who you me you who me you no me (say super dooper quickly)

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops