Caroline Kelly.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the kid die last night? because his mum stabbed him multiple times in the chest.

thumb_up thumb_down

A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

what kind of road kill is green and smells like cookies? girl scouts

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the German say the the Jewish man? "Hello, nice to meet you."

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What does Helen Keller's parents do when she gets in trouble? They leave the plunger in the toilet!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did the kid with cancer get for christmas? A puppy, but it was left too long in a wrapped up box without air, it quickly suffocated and ruined the kids chirstmas.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Scenario: A man is being mugged in an alley Mugger: Give me your wallet! I have a gun! Victim: You don't have the balls. Mugger: Oh yeah! I have 3 balls! Victim: Well I have 2, you should probably get that checked.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Ill do a lot more than just try you, anyways, technically I learned to play the piano as a kid, but now I play on a small cheap keyboard (the musical kind) and sincerely, I kinda suck at it now, my abusive parents expected perfection beat the shit out of me blahblahblah, thats really all of it, trauma. My senses, well, when I was a kid I was terrified of gravity (one of the rarest fears in the world) because I had no idea I was consciously shifting things myself. So lets say... If I somehow end up hanging upside down, I just shift it, so my brain believes I am not and I experience no discomfort, there is a lot more to it, ill tell you, damn nose wont stop bleeding and my waifu got a bit scared, she got some bad bronchitis and she still has not recovered a 100 percent, but its just the cough now though... Lets just say that my ability to balance, is about 300-500 percent higher than any regular human, and that I can stand on one leg enough to beat the guiness record book 50 times... ...IIIIF I was in good shape, which I am not.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

No just stuff on the internet when I get bored, like on facebook and stuff, why a nurse? Whats wrong? Is he ill?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why is Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven was a creepy movie, and it gave Six nightmares.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's Jewish and gay? Henry Shine

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was there an awkward silence? Because numerous people gathered in a room were not talking.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why was the kid hungry? Because he lived in Africa.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's the difference between Dick Cheney and Obama? When Obama shoots someone in the face it's bin Laden.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Q: how do you catch a bear? A: you dig a hole, fill the hole with ashes, surround the hole with peas, and when the bear comes to take a pea kick him in the ash hole

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When life gives you lemons, make beef stew.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I saw a guy walking down the street like a black person. I just shook my head and smiled. He WAS black.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

whats worse than getting killed by a random tomahawk in COD mostly anything because COD is only a video game

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Breanna baked a pie. what kind of pie was it? A JIMMY PAI

thumb_up thumb_down -2

The biggest lie in the world . . . I have read and agree to the Terms of Service

thumb_up thumb_down -2

why did the 60 year old touch the little boy's penis? because he was a doctor.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Ronan Parke, making Justin Bieber look straight since 2009

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops