How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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How do you starve a Mexican? Deny him Food Stamps.

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What happens when Chuck Norris jumps off the 3rd floor. He falls to the ground and hurts himself badly

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Roses are grey Violets are grey Everything is grey I'm color blind.

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My friend told me to break a leg before the show. I disobeyed him and injured no one. It's just a figure of speech.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set. Cuz she had no arms or legs. Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally

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What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

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iff god whas funny why thit he let your mother be raped and your sister murdered en iff satan whos a ice cream will he taste sweet ?

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a man walks into a bar, his alcoholism is slowly destroying his family

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What did the alien discuss with the other alien? Something we discussed.

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Why did the policeman arrest the black man? He had commited a crime and murdered somebody.

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Yo Momma's so fat she has Type 1 Diabetes.

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How many dead children can you fit in a garbage can? Give me a knife and i will find out

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How do you torture Helen Keller? Waterboarding.

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how long has dibey got left like :)

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they say that cancer can't pass but why do three our your uncles have it

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Justin Bieber.

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Whats brown and sticky? A massive shit.

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What do you call two black guys flying a plane? Pilots.

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Knock Knock Whose there? Lemons Lemons who? The fruit

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Why couldn't the asian drive the car. He was underage and did not have his license yet.

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Nah, its fine, I just went to get a popsicle, and its square, so don't get any ideas. Honestly? When I first met "some jerk" calling himself Nero here, I began calling myself Nero, because I thought that the jerk that turned out to be you, Nero himself, sigh. was screwing over his own reputation. But now I realize that what makes you who you are, is that you say whats on your mind without going "oh no what will others think about me, what if this or that happens", you accept yourself for who you are, and if the rest do not, well screw them right? As you told me at first and proved to me during our conversations, you respect and value individuality and integrity. And well, you are a guy, you think like a guy (I honestly dont think we girls think that differently, we are simply socially indoctrinated or "engineered" in order to think that we do), I mean let me say something really honest here. Nero, I only dare say this once, so take me seriously I really want you to fuck me, and yeah, I may say that when we meet too, considering I have not even said it yet, just in my head... Anyway, its not something I am insecure about nor ever was and blahblahblah, the end, oh, and yeah, I really want and need a friend like you.

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it all started when it all started when i was born because i was the resault of a broken condom and thats why he left. shortly after my mother killed herself. well thats the way the cookie crumbles. its not a joke i just needed to tell someone.

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What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting rape.d by a giant scorpion.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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