If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Why did the clown get in the car? Because he can.

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Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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How do you get really high at home? You climb a ladder

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Two guys walk into a bat, they have a couple drinks then go home, one crashed and died in a horrible drunk driving accident. The other, who took a cab, went home and viciously beat his wife.

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Did you hear about the kid-napping in Minnesota? He woke up

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Why did the baby fall down from the tree? It was dead.

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How many Lepers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? People with leprosy should not be doing general house keeping.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like pie. I know you do too.

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What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

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Your momma;s so fat she stepped on the scale and said one at a time please!

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Why did the man stop having seizure? Because his condition was recognized and he was properly medicated.

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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roses are red and have big balls woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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Why did the boy fail his math test? Because his Mother threw a refrigerator at him.

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What do you call a sheep with big teeth? Mitch

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What do you call 2 black guys hanging out with a white girl? An inter-racial couple helping out their black friend whose wife just died of terminal cancer.

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why did the girl fall down someone threw four monkeys and a refrigerator at her

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How do you treat people that cannot say no in just two seconds? (redux and spellchecked) Treatment: Hi...: *locks door* NOW SAY NO TO ME! SAY IT MUAHAHAHA! People: NO PLEASE I CANT! NOOOOOO! *door unlocks* Problem solved, NEXT!

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Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

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I'vegto a riddel for you;l Do siolve it. during the day... I look liek a snake By night?///////////////// What ams i? Rack your brains

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look at the top of your screen. now look down. I MADE YOU DO THAT

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Knock knock.Who's there?Dead Baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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