How Many Blondes does it take to open a fridge. 1 Because most blondes are smart and can open fridges.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What do you call a zebra without stripes? A stripeless zebra.

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Bumsniffer

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Two babies wonder off from their home. They die of starvation because there parents could not find them in time.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. A family is tied-up and screaming for help in my basement.

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A man goes to the doctor and is told, "you have cancer." He then spends his last days writing a bucket list, but losing his leg in a wood chipper before he could complete a single item on his list

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I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

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What smells bad and is black, A very dirty dead decomposing body.

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Why is paper white? Cause that's how they make paper.

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What is the answer to the question of life? Over 9000

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Why did the clown go to jail? For 23 charges of rape and murder.

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What did the blonde say when she found a dead bird on the sidewalk? "Aww, look at the poor dead bird!"

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A homeless guy gets done with his daily work. where does he go? nowhere he is homeless...

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What do you call a gay couple with jobs and a kid?? Responsible.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I shit my pants do you want my poo.

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what do you do to gay guy who wants to have anal sex with you? beat him with a steel baseball bat in his face.

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Why was the bus driver sad? The kid with the icecream had c4 strapped to his chest.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure why did the refridgerator fall out of the tree? it lost its footing why did the girl fall down? she was hit by four monkeys and a refridgerator

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Where do cows go when they're bored? Wherever they're standing. Cows cannot use toilets, regardless of their mood.

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How come grilled cheese?

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A man killed himself.

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Sex positions (and other related things), never took off... 1. The 96 2. The mission (impossible) position. 3. The Tangoers party (swingers? The fack is that?) 4.Nasal. 5. Bed waltz (requires amazing dancing skills and multitasking, now they just call everything for "bed waltz" to show off) 6.Blind Date take uno (hard to find two blind people and make sure they meet each other and have a good time by themselves). 7. GILFS take one (I mean there could be many hot grandmas out there, but "Guns Id Like For Shooting", was not too popular due accidents)

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What's the difference between Rob Schnieder and Jelly Beans? Someone besides Adam Sandler likes Jelly Beans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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