How do you get your clock to stop ticking? Hit it with a sledge hammer.

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What do you get when you put a frog in a paper shredder? Harshly punished by the Animal Humane Society

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A black man, a Muslim man, and a Jewish man walk into a bar so the bartender says, "Get the f*** out."

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What's worse than accidentally flooding your bathroom? A Tsunami

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GONNA

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You're about to get shell shocked...

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Roses are red. Violets are blue... Hold on. Roses could be white too.

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what do you call a girl with no arms and legs whatever her name is

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow who? Interrupting Cow who, unlike his quiet friends back on the farm, enjoys to speak when others are nearly finished with their sentence.

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An anorexic women walks into McDonalds

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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When life throws you knives, you're probably dead

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Whats great about F***ing twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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a terrorist walks into a bank and says "gimme all the money or ill kill you" the bank owner said you and what army the terrorist said this army and no one came in buuuut he opened hi jacket and there was a bomb straped to him then he exploded it Buuuuuuut in hell he thinks hang on a minute i didn't get my money oh for goodness sake Buuuuuuuuuuut in heaven the bank man said i still live in a wonderfull place and anywhay we had no money left and i was going to suiside soooooooooooooooooooooooo you done me a favour and if i would of suiside i could of gone to hell but you killed me so i edidnt go to hell buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut you did lol by the way i just wasted your time

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Why did the girl get her hair cut off? Because she had cancer

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How many Spanish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Uno

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Why did the police suspect a Hispanic man of theft? Because they found his fingerprints at the scene.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are white Daisies are yellow Why am I naming flower colours?

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Q: What would George Washington do if he were alive today? A: Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

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"My c.ock is bigger!" "No! My c.ock is bigger!": Two gamec.ock owners arguing over who has a bigger dick.

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What did the doctor say to his patient with cancer? "You have cancer...".

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What do you get when you jump into the Red Sea? Wet.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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