1 + 1 ? Hmm, I don't know, maybe 2 but I could be wrong.

What did the boyfriend give his girlfriend for her birthday? A S.T.D

A man walks into a bar and at the bar he sees this guy with a blue head. He asks the man with the blue head if he can buy him a drink. The man with the blue head says "sure... you want to know about the blue head don't you?" "Yes i do" "Okay it all starts with a genie, he gave me 3 wishes, the first wish was to have a beautiful wife and a house to put her in, the second wish was for a ton of money, and the third wish was for a blue head."

Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

why do i have a pain in my left side i dont know but im scared

What's tan, red, black and brown? Your face. Two days later... In the mausoleum. "Your face"

Whats worse than getting raped by a monkey The fact that you actually got raped by a monkey

Why did the african jump in the swimming pool? Because it was a really hot day and he wanted to cool down

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

What is a life without options.... an optionless life

What did the black man say to the white man? Nothing. He punched him in the face and stole his iPhone.

when your cable is on the fritz, you play video games instead. when you play video games, you get good. when you get good, you go to COD XP. when you go to COD XP, you lose to whiteboy 7th st. when you lose to whiteboy 7th st., you get into Skyrim. when you get into skyrim, you reenact cut scenes from skyrim. and when you reenact cut scenes from skyrim... ...you take an arrow to the knee... ...don't take an arrow to the knee. Get rid of cable.

What did the goose say to the other goose? Honk!

your momma is so stupid shes fricken retarded

What is chewy and tastes like gum? Chewing gum.

Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like poems What rhymes with poem?

Q.When is a dog, not a dog? A. never

what do you think when you see someone throw a man with no arms and legs into the ocean? chances of survival are minimal

Dad, why are we Swedish? Because antilopes and the butterfly effect son.

What do you call a blonde who tries to swim on land? - Stupid.

Why did Bob throw butter out the window, Because he is mentally retarded.

roses are red violets are blue that's just the way god made them

more chocolate?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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