A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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"Knock, knock!" "Who's there?" "The police." "'The police', who?" "Sir, come out of your domicile with your hands up and no weapons present. You've just gone to an orphanage and massacred almost every nun who's worked there for almost five years. Not only that, but your son has also contracted AIDS from his previously lesbian girlfriend whom she has lost her mother too in the orphanage accident you've just caused."

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What's the difference between a bird and a pool table? Both of them fly, except for the pool table.

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What's the best part about having sex with a 9 year old in the shower? Pedophilia is a crime, and the people that do it are very sick individuals. The fact that you even thought there was a 'best' part disgusts me.

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Why did the boy cry Because he fell

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head walk into a bar. They have been planning a girls night out for weeks.

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Chuck Norris can cook ramen noodles with a microwave.

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How you do stop a baby from swinging around on the clothesline? Hit it with a shovel.

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What did one cat say to another? Cats cant talk

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why do rednecks wear big belt buckles? it's a tombstone for a dead dick:)

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"I think your a hoe" "Don't worry, I know I am!" "You wanna F*** me?" "Hell Ya!"

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A tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it... Fall on top of a woman and crush her to death

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Roses are red violets are blue I have boobs and so do you

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A chicken and a horse go into a bar due to an imperative of an earlier joke, they notice that there are flowers on the bar. The flowers are red and blue. They wonder what they could be.

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Anders Lungren is a worthless peice of scrub

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How do the Kardashians change a light bulb? They buy a new mansion

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Theory: Jesus: Father why must I go die in order to defeat sin, is sin not a product of humans? God: SHHH! You want humans to know they are stronger than us? Real life: Later on the cross Jesus: FATHER WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! God: *Thunder* Moral: Makes sense... Kinda? Maybe? A bit? I honestly do not get it :(

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what goes in hard, comes out soft, and you blow on it? bubble gum!

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Black people are the scum of the earth

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why did the cow die because she ate poisoned apple pie

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Q:Why did the bunny run up the hill? A:Because he can't run under it.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke. It's not that, my wife and son were just killed in a drunk driving accident.

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What did the angry asian man do after he crashed his car? He died of serious head trauma and internal bleeding.

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What did the serial killer do when his check bounced? He promptly deposited more money into his account.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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