- Anti Joke

So theres this Jew, right? He got shot to death.

A man walks into a bar, sits down and the bartender comes over and asks him what he wants to drink. The man replies, "Carrot Juice."

How long did it take the world's most powerful democracy to elect a black President? Less than a day.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SPONGEBO... nope bin laden

okay so one time my dog was eating an octopus tail and i was all like...Bro! octopus are our friends dont eat them! then he was all like okay...so later i saw my goldfish eating a blue kangaroo and i was all like bro blue kangaroos are our friends dont eat them and she was all like okay.. so then i saw my sandwich eating itself and i was like bro...let me eat you instead! and it was like okay. then i saw a bear eating you so i was like bro....thats all i said before it ate both of us :( and thats the story of why i have 6 toes on my left buttcheek

How could you wake up Lady Gaga? poke her face

One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

Why did the door close? Because I closed it.

anal seepage

Q: why does batman die in the end of dark night rises? A: he smoked got cancer and died.

What happens when a guy walk into a school and shoots kids? Oh sorry, to soon?

Why did the black man leave the bar? Someone shot his girlfriend.

How do you get a girl out of a tree? You throw a refrigirator at her.

What did one volcano say to the other? Hey.... wana get some lunch... later, not now of course it's WAAAAY TOO EARLY!

What is the saddest thing in a porno? He doesn't really love her.

knock knock whos there? orange orange who? orange you pissed off your wifes taking in the ass from another guy right now?

its's not rape if you yell "suprise!"

What did Iran say to Israel? ALLLLAHH

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

Whats the difference between a field of corn and a dead body? The field of corn wasn't killed by severe blood loss and hemorrhaging after it was stabbed in the back, stomach and abdomen 27 times in 1987, where the escaped convicted serial killer buried it beside a river in Northern Dakota.

How does camon Die? He kills himself because he didnt make it into the marine corps

Q: Why did the little girl fall off the swing? A: She didn't have any arms.

What do you call a Mexican in a kitchen? A chef.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops