What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

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Q: What's the difference between a plum and a rabbit? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit

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What is the delicate way to start talking about your penis? ...that wasn't it.

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what is blue purple and has wings what i dont know that why i am asking you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was no oncoming traffic.

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A blonde walks into an electrics shop and asks to buy a television set. The shop-owner explains that she is signalling a microwave and is concerned for her mental wellbeing.

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What does two plus two equal? 4

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What do Abraham Lincoln and George Washington have in common? They both had beards, except for Washington.

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Dre.

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Why was the homeless man begging for money? Because he needed money to buy liquer for his severe alcohol addiction that was slowly destroying his liver.

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What is the difference between Santa and a Jew? Santa is a fictional character used to represent Christmas, Jews celebrate Hanukkah.

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._____________________. Whale!

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u suck

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What is hotter than a lightbulb. The Sun.

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A co-pilot

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Lucas talks to mom she says hi

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a trash can? A dead baby in 10 trash cans.

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(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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A man walks into a bar. He says, "Ouch!" Later that day, the man's daughter takes him to the doctor because he's acting strangely. The doctor gives him an MRI and the daughter is told that her father sustained severe brain damage from the injury. Now the daughter has to juggle taking care of her father, taking care of a child she bore from a drunken one-night stand, and recovering from her meth addiction at a rehab facility, all while making minimum wage at her dead end job. Eventually she hangs herself, leaving her father and child to slowly die on their own.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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that krista chich from the below joke accepted me as a friend, then she blocked me. haha WOW, she realy is a bitch.

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A man scratches his ankle and says " my nuts are itchy" a woman looks at him questionly. realizing he had been watched, he lifted the bottom of his pant leg and showed to woman that he had stuffed his socks with pecans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops