whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

Why did the hockey cross the road? To get to KFC.

Hello, this is Chuck Norris speaking.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

hating his life and his job, the man leaves work early and while he is in the elavator he has thoughts about killing himself after returning to his apartment he turns on the TV and grabs his gun out of the drawer. sitting in a chair with a gun to his head he looks at the TV and realizes that his office building has just been hit by a 747 piloted by Al-Quida members. Suddenly the man realizes that maybe he has something to live for and decides not to kill himself.

Guy 1: why are you being such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most pussy

why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

What has an orange t shirt A dick I lied about the shirt

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust Whats worse than the holocaust? getting raped by a giant scorpion What's worse than getting raped by a giant scorpion? getting raped by your seventh grade math teacher, Mr. Smith What's worse than getting raped by your seventh grade math teacher Mr. Smith? Snapping your femur bone in half What's worse than snapping your femur bone in half? Birthing a dead baby

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car> "Get in the car."

What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

How did the boy break his hand? He slammed it in a car door.

Why was the anti joke funny? because it wasn't funny.

What is the black kid down the street getting for his birthday? Well first of all, his name is Pat. And he asked his parents for an Xbox that he will likely receive, and I assume a variety of other gifts from friends and family.

Two Jews walked into a bar. Then bought it.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

Whats worse than being raped? Being raped and murdered.

Knock Knock Who's there? It is actually not a good idea to say "who's there" to the random person outside. The man could be a robber or a murderer, and will realize a person is inside. He could bomb the door down and do anything to kill you. You should look through the window first, or through the little peep hole. If the person outside is an acquaintance, then you can respond. However it is best to not reply and leave the stranger alone. Safety is key to living a happy joyful life.

what do you call a guy called Bill? Bill

This is Heading 1

What did the sniper say when a newsreporter asked what he felt when he shot a terrorist? The sniper replied: Recoil.

why was the little girl crying in her dads arms? Because he was strangling her

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape.