Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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There once was a man from Nantucket.

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

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boobs

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What did the midget say to the clown that was blocking the doorway? Excuse me

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Why did Harry get in the taxi? His mother told him to put his seatbelt on.

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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pigs are sometimes pink GOSH

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What's big, wet and hairy? Not what you think it is.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar. They discuss their differences over a pint of beer and leave with a greater understanding of each other's faiths.

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whats funny with two wheels? A kid falling off his bike

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What has feathers, and is known to fly? A bird

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Why did the man with no arms, and no legs knock on your door? He can't, he has no arms!

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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Miley Cyrus.

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Why would someone smile at a tumble weed? I don't know, it's an inanimate object.And is ugly Just like the couch in the basement in That 70's Show.

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A horse walks into a bar why the long face? I have aids

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Why is six afraid of seven? Cuz the chicken crossed the road

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Reporter: So, how do you feel knowing you don't have some place to work when you walk out of your house because of that tornado? Guy: "Well, it feels even worse knowing I don't have a house to walk out of. . ."

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How did the black man get a new television? He worked hard and put away a small percentage of his weekly wage in order to save for this new addition to his household.

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i like serious. serious means business. business means cash. cash means money. money makes me happy and when i'm happy you dont die

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What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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A man runs into a bar, he is in a coma for 7 years and most likely going to die, of severe brain damage.

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A man walks into a bar. He's covered in Ash because the north tower just collapsed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops