Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you stop a baby from flying? Hit it with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

thumb_up thumb_down -26

How do you a baby into a small bowl? Put it in the blender. How to u get it out? Tostitos.

thumb_up thumb_down +189

If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What's the difference between a joke and an anti-joke? I don't know man, but you touch yourself at night.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Are you a tree? No.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

thumb_up thumb_down +3

My mother-in-law is so ugly I actually feel quite sorry for her.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How do you spell dog? C-A-T!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The Olympics

thumb_up thumb_down -39

the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

thumb_up thumb_down -49

A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Having a refrigerator fall on you

thumb_up thumb_down -151

What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

thumb_up thumb_down -171

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops