Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by Osama.

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what is white on top and black on the bottom? Society

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What did the blonde get for Christmas? A Brain

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How much wood would Chuck Wood have if Chuck Wood could have wood? None, Chuck Wood has E.D.

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2 pilots rowed a boat across the desert. How long did it take to reach the moon? Answer: Purple because chickens don't use magic.

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What lumpy and pointy? A horny woman with breast cancer

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Knock knock whos there? A dead black man ... i farted

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What is worse than seeing your whole family die? Leaving your wallet on the bus.

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Why does the man ignore his wife? Because he is dead.

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Your Mom

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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What do you call a fat kid who eats twinkies. Otto Hintz`````

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A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

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"What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby" "One's fun to hit with a bat and the other One's a watermelon.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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how did i know i had a new puppy?...... i found out when i was scraping it off my truck tire

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A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

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What's worse than an hours detention? Gettind raped by a horse anally.

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LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

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Did you know that if you get all your intestines, and laid it out across the floor in a line, you would die?

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Scene:restraunt Me:can I have a coke please? Waiter:sorry we don't have any, is Pepsi ok? Me:is monopoly money ok?

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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Why was the women's underwear red?... Because she got stabbed.

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If your waiting in a restaurant for a waiter, doesn't that make you a waiter? O.o

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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