Knock knock whos there? A dead black man ... i farted

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Your Mom

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A fat guy runs a marathon. He dies of obesity and dehydration.

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Why does the man ignore his wife? Because he is dead.

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What is worse than seeing your whole family die? Leaving your wallet on the bus.

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What do you call a fat kid who eats twinkies. Otto Hintz`````

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How to confuse a dumbass: see previous post.

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"What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby" "One's fun to hit with a bat and the other One's a watermelon.

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I tell the Doctor I'm having pains in my chest. He says that sounds serious and admits me immediately to the hospital.

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LOVING BIRD DIEING BIRD DO NOT FLY AWAY

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Scene:restraunt Me:can I have a coke please? Waiter:sorry we don't have any, is Pepsi ok? Me:is monopoly money ok?

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Did you know that if you get all your intestines, and laid it out across the floor in a line, you would die?

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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What's worse than an hours detention? Gettind raped by a horse anally.

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how did i know i had a new puppy?...... i found out when i was scraping it off my truck tire

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What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Q. What does physiks sound to most of the people? A. There were two camels, one was green, how much does the sand weight when its dark?

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Roses are red Here is something new Violets are violet NOT FUCKING BLUE

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Why could the penguin not fly? It was shot in the wing.

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Why did the blond check your phone? AIDS

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Why was the black man in prison? He was wrongly accused of a felony and the jury by whom he was tried was largely racist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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