What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a turtle? A bunch of nosy ass people wondering wtf you're doing.

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96

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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roses are red voilets are blue my dog stinks and so do you!

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Why did the black man fall asleep in the unemployment line? Well, he was dangerously fatigued from having weeped passionately the entire night in the arms of his wife after losing his high-earning job of 20 years and consequently finding out that his only daughter was in a tragic school bus accident.

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Why did susie fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms... Why didn't she get up? She didn't have any legs... Why didn't anyone help her? She didn't have any friends. Then she died

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What do dead babies and trash both have in common? They're both in my dumpster.

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How did superman always save the day? Because he was a fictional tv actor so he could do whatever he wanted to.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Ask her a question.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, so is my face, I'm constipated

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What was Billy for Halloween? A pirate

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Why did the mexican order a bean burrito? Because thats his favorite

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what do you call a toddler with a gun? uninteresting

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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I didn't choose the thug life... I got a job.

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Yo momma is so fat, when she wears a bathing suit, people are like, wow, that woman is fat.

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Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken

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Chickens want to live in a world where they arent judged for cossing a road ......... K?

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Why did Timmy pass his chemistry exam? Because he studied.

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Kony 2012 - Uganda Be Kidding Me

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what happened to the kid who didn't get what he wanted for his birthday? He committed suicide

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Roses are red Violets are blue I had sex with your mother

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If you play a Justin Bieber album backwards, I swear you can hear satanic messages... but even worse, if you play it forward, you hear Justin Bieber.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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