Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Knock knock. Who's there? Fred. Hello Fred.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A blonde tries to kill herself cutting both her wrists.Why didn't it work? Because her boyfriend found her just in time and managed to stop the bleeding and took her to the hospital. After some years of therapy they got married and lived happy together for the rest of their lifes.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why is the kid over-weighted? Because he had to many calories in his diegestive system and he couldn't burn the calories

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The Olympics

thumb_up thumb_down -37

A woman walks into a sex sop, she buys a dildo.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

thumb_up thumb_down -195

What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

thumb_up thumb_down +132

What do you call a black man in space? an astronaut

thumb_up thumb_down +88

Why would someone smile at a tumble weed? I don't know, it's an inanimate object.And is ugly Just like the couch in the basement in That 70's Show.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

thumb_up thumb_down +28

knock knock GO AWAY I'M IN THE SHOWER

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What did the alien discuss with the other alien? Something we discussed.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Your mama is so fat that when she walks her legs rub against each other

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because it's head's so far from his body.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What's the difference between Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? I lost my tractor!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Battle of Alamo? They only had 1250 trucks.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What's bigger than your penis? The Empire State Building.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Are women better than men? Dont know but what we do know is they swing at bigger balls (softballs), shoot from lower basketball nets, do pushups from their knees. Shall I go on?

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Funding a half worm in your apple because you just ate half of a worm!

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops