A Muslim walked into a bar....nothing happened

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot.... ya' damn racist!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A postal worker creeps past a sleeping bulldog. The dog does not wake up, and the mail is delivered successfully.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A programmer, and engineer and an accountant meet up for an after work drink. Afterwards they go home to their separate apartments and think how socially inadequate they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

knock knock who's there who who who and if u say something about an I will punch u in the face u stupid cike!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

why did susie fall off the swing? she had no arms and no legs. knock knock who's there? not susie

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Wanna hear something funny? Sure. Okay,cool

thumb_up thumb_down -21

One day a man woke up and decided that he was going to do something with his life. He then got a haircut, took a shower and bought a nice new suit. After that he went home and cleaned up his whole house and invited his parents, that were not very close with him, over for dinner.An hour and thirty minutes before his parents got there, he went to the store to pick up some food to prepare for the very important dinner. On the way home he see's a homeless man walking on the side of the road. The man felt bad for him because he was poor so he gave him $10. He then proceeded home to make the dinner. The dinner turned out very well and he went to bed a better man.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but I'd like to know how they got in there.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did little Sally drop her ice cream? She got ran over by the school bus

thumb_up thumb_down -21

When Josh moran was born he was thrown up in the air three times and was caught twice.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why are all of the cars in the left lane? Because you are in Winona MN.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the blonde stare at the juice carton? Because a man was pointing a shotgun at her and would kill her if she didn't do it.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

knock knock? who's there? ted? ted who? stop f***ing around, you got cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam were having dinner together at a local restaurant. Which caused a group of Republicans sitting nearby to ask for another table.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Yo momma so fat, she has large amount of fat deposited in her body

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the Hispanic man have no job? Because we are in a recession, and work is hard to come by in this tough economy.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

why did the black man attend the AA meeting? his wife told him the only way she would stay with him is if he would attend these meetings, he was an alcoholic and is dying of liver failure.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Who's a pedophile and not afraid to show it? The clown from McDonald

thumb_up thumb_down -23

your mom is so ugly when she entered an ugly contest they said... ok

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops