You are so ugly that when u were born, your mom was unable to breast-feed you because she would have to look at your face to do so.

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why am i a dick head. because my gcse's spelt fudge and i dont like fudge so i project my anger into boss things

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This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

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How many clowns fit in a car? Depends how many get in the car.

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what is big, white, and can't climb a tree? a fridge

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What do vampires cross the sea in?

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse doesn't reply because horses don't speak. However, he is confused and scared by the unfamiliar surroundings. Trying to escape, the horse breaks his leg. The horse must be put down.

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What's the difference between a lion and a stuffed lion? One is for children to play with, one will eat you alive.

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What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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What do flowers and people have in common? They both die.

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hey, my names mark.

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I kinda said I did not want to know, sooo... Want to meet up tomorrow? Like for realsies? In that case tell me first (then show me tomorrow as proof), your cough... Vagina, I dont care if its shaven or not, but does it have red hair?

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John and Sarah sitting in a tree. K i s s i n g. First comes love. Oops theres goes john-- he's falling---he's falling... he's broken his neck and ruptured his internal organs. D e a t h

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If strippers are exotic dancers then drug dealers are to exotic pharmacists.

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You know you're drunk when you've spend a significant amount of time consuming alcohol.

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After finishing reading this sentence, read it again and you might or might not realise that there is a secret subliminal message in this sentence making you do something later tonight. Can you spot it?

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How many women does it take to change a lightbulb. None, Thomas Edison was a man.

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Bob and Joe are talking about how their grandfathers died in the Hulacaust. Bob says "Mine died in the gas chambers" Joe says "Mine got drunk and fell off the guard tower.

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Wanna hear a joke..... Corey Jacobs Penis!

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What do you call a black person with dandruff.... A lamington

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How do you call a guy with a school bus on his head? Dead. It's highly unlikely that a man would be able to withstand the weight of a massive school bus on his head and survive.

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Wanna know what makes me smilee? Facial Muscles

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What happened to the orphan when it walked to the park? He found his birth parents........but then they were killed by a crazy hobo and he was taken away and molested

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how do u kill a black kid ..... stabb him in the face with a nife

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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