Q: What was Jerry Sandusky's defensive philosophy at Penn State? A: Get penetration and always cover the Tight End.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Ostrich. Ostrich who? No no I don't have a formal name, I'm just telling you I'm an ostrich.

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Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree? it was dead Why'd the second monkey fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the first monkey Why'd the third monkey fall out of the tree? peer pressure Why'd the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? his girlfriend broke up with him so he commited suicide Why'd the fifth monkey fall out of the tree? cuz it was a dumbass

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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What did Jerry Sandusky do when he was alone with 3 little boys? Taught them how to play football.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house No? Neither has he!

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What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

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Husband: Shut up, there is now playing for Real Madrid Woman: So what? come help me clean. Husband:after the game,now shut up. Woman:Everyone knows Barcelona better... Police: So you're saying your wife fell on the knife alone?

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I have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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Yo mamma's so fat, she died of diabeties and we all mourn her loss.

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HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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What happens when you stick your finger in a pencil sharpener? Blood everywhere.

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Last night I came home to find my entire family murdered....

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A baby tastes grapefruit juice for the first time. She is allergic and immediately begins convulsing and dies.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I regurgitate doorknobs

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Well, honestly I don't know how I feel about meeting you yet, or chatting with you, I never believed I would get to speak, or even less meet "The Nero", I mean as far as I know, nobody that ever worked alongside you ever has... ...By the way, the thing with the metal arm, well I don't have both arms, so yeah, story of my life. I am "Eliza" here too, its not coding, its just me sharing my real part of my life with our followers, and well, they do not make much sense out of it, but I get to share the tale about how Nero saved me, if not in person.

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How do you keep a blonde busy? The best way to keep somebody busy is to make sure they have something to do, like get a job or a hobby or do some chores. The color of their hair is irrelevant.

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Why did Doris have no control over her bladder? Because she was old and suffered catastrophic incontinence

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If frogs weren't alive, there wouldn't be any frogs left on earth.

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Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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Why is six afraid of seven? Cuz the chicken crossed the road

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A man walks into a bar and has a wonderful time drinking with his friends, arrives home at a reasonable time and goes to bed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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