Why was the lady fat. She ate a lot of food.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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how do u piss of a polish man? rape his girlfriend

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A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

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Why hasn't Justin Bieber gone through puberty. Usher Chopped his balls off.

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Q: Why did Temia go to sleep? A: Cause swaq and she was so skuxx!

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I asked my Grandma if she ever tried 69. And she said, “No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night.”

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What smells like shit and is covered in cheese? Sean's pizza socks.

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Yes.

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What did the smoker get for christmas? A bike.

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Whats the difference between an oven and a Jew? An oven is a manufactured and creates heat through the power of electricity or natural gas

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

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How many worms dose it take to eat an apple? One.

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Why was the picture ruined? Because you were in it.

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What do you call a black guy going into mcdonalds A great opportunity to make a raciest joke

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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On a plane directed to Buffalo there are: an italian, a french and a greek. They all go there for tourism

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Q: How do you get a clown to stop smiling? A: Hit it with an axe

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was very mad at his mother, so he ran away, and, on the other side of the road, he saw a ver luxurious chicken coop. In other words, duh.

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What did Jerry Sandusky do when he was alone with 3 little boys? Taught them how to play football.

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How do you keep a black guy out of your backyard? You tell him "STAY OUT"

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What's worse then dumping your' girlfriend over text? Dumping her best friend over text at the same time.

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There was a mexican man and a chinese man, They walked into a bomb shop and bought three bombs, then left.

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5

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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