A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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A: Ask me if I'm a truck. B: Are you a truck? A: No.

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What did Jerry Sandusky do when he was alone with 3 little boys? Taught them how to play football.

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Yo mamas so fat, that I need a new pair of sunglasses.

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roses are grey violets are grey im colorblind but your face is still black!!!

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There was a mexican man and a chinese man, They walked into a bomb shop and bought three bombs, then left.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Approximately 75 pounds of wood a day

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What did Osama Bin Laden say to Hitler? Nothing. Hitler died many years ago now and he was in no position of power during Bin Laden's reign of terror due to the fact that he was already dead. Therefore it is impossible that they could have had any sort of conversation. But now Bin Laden is dead as well. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

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cats are afraid of dogs. mice are afraid of cats. elephants are afraid of mice. bf-2 fighter jets are afraid of elephants. is this true?

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Whats worse than breaking your pencil? Getting a cactus shoved up your ass.

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What's worse than finding a repeated joke on Anti-Joke? Your family being massacred in front of your eyes.

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How do u know someones running? They leave this????behind

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Hey you want to here a joke? I can't think of one

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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question; feminists can't change anything.

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A man walks in to a wooden door. He's blind.

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When is homework not homework? When it is turned into the teacher.

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Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

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whats funny with two wheels? A kid falling off his bike

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and a German strand on an island. Searching the jungle, they fall into a trap. They get painfully killed and eaten by the cannibals.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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My claustrophobia was cured by imagining that all small spaces were naked.

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Haiku's are three lines long. This isn't a haiku.

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Q: what did the tractor say when helost his farmer? A: wheres my farmer?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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