Advice from a pro: Don't be a faggot

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What happens 2 seconds after you thorw a rock out a two-story window? The rock hits the ground.

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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Hey man how was your trip? great!!! It blew my mind

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how do u piss of a polish man? rape his girlfriend

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Well, as you know, I have alzheimers and... ... ... ... ... ... Well, as you know, I have alzheimers.

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What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Some cans are difficult to open: The little ring bit comes off when you pull it, and then you have to work out a new way to open it, which takes patience and ingenuity.

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what sucks? things that suck

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America

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Quizno's footlongs are four dollars...

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Did you see stevie wonders new house? No. Well he hasnt either

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How many ants does it take to fill an apartment? It depends on the size of the apartment.

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How'd the little kid get down the stairs when nobody was home? He fell down thhem.

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Mary once had a boyfriend with a wooden leg; however, itt was a highly dysfunctional relationship, as the boyfriend was much too possessive of Mary. So Mary was forced to bring a close to the relationship.

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What did the white cop say to the black thug? he didn't... he got shot before he could say anything

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What do you do when a bear chases you? Run.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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why did the asian go to the bar?? i dont know you tell me.

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Simon says; "You're adopted."

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A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

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The dog buried it's bone. The next day it unburied it, and chewed on it until it was wrecked.

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A man walking on a beach looks into the surf and sees a beautiful oil lamp floating to shore. Wondering who in the heck uses oil lamps anymore, he picks it up, sees a bit of crust on the side, and rubs it clean. Just then a burst of smoke comes out of the lamp, and a genie floats out and stands before the man. "Oh master, thank you for releasing me from the lamp. In thanks, I grant to you one wish. Anything you ask for, it will be true," said the genie. "One wish? What happened to three," asked the man. "Dude, don't push it. We're in a recession. So what's your wish?" "OK. OK. I ... I... I WISH I WAS RICH!" screamed the man. The genie folded his arms, blinked twice, scratched his nose, nodded his head, and spun in a circle twice. "And it is SO!" he cried out. The man looked at himself, looked at the genie, but nothing seemed to have changed. "WTF, genie. Am I rich?" The genie replied, "Well no. You said, 'I wish I was rich.' I made you rich... ten years ago. You were rich. Now you're not. You used the indicative mood 'was.' If you wanted it to become true now in the present, you should have used the subjunctive mood 'were.'"

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Why didn't Valerie go on over to Amy's house? Because she's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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