A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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What's green and has wheels? a green car.

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PLEASE LIKE TO DONATE 50 CENTS TO MY CHARIDY .... SAVE THE PENGUINS IN AFRICA -BY LUKE BRANIFF

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whats orange, green and has a treadmill attached to it? a cantaloupe, i lied about the treadmill.

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why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? he got hit by a bus why was the little girl happy? because she found an icecream cone

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Your mom is so fat that she should watch her weight and maintain a healthy diet.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? How the hell should I know I'm not a mind reader.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Adolf Hitler.

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The guy above me has a very nice joke

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How do you kill a retard? you shoot him in the head

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How many kids with A.D.D. does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Wanna go for a bike ride?

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Everything I did, Was just a mistake like you.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Jehovah's Witness

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Why do pokemon have hair? because they have no balls

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why did the one armed, bearded man, in a wheelchair go to the mall ? He wished to purchase yogurt and Tiger woods 2007 for the ps2

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut

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Knock, Knock Who's there? The FBI

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock? Whos there? Not Sally...

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i hate christians and muslims, until drugs are involved. iduno what dat is, i try it.

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Q: Why was the baby crying? A: I kicked it.

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Why the bird can't fly? Because i cutt off his wings.

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Why did the little boy get food poisoning? Because his family can't afford to buy organic food, and can only afford McDonald's burgers, where their cows are forced to stand in their own feces.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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