Who would win in a chess duel between Ender Wiggin and Artemis Fowl? Artemis Fowl will calculate the optimal path to move his pieces. Ender Wiggin will calculate the optimal path to kill the queen, so all the other pieces just sort of fall down.

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Why couldn't the man sleep? Because he was a wax model in a museum, and as we all know wax models are inanimate objects thus incapable of consciousness and therefore incapable of unconsciousness as well. Many other inanimate objects are caught up in similar problems relating to their incapability to do anything.

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Why was the boys dick hard? Because he stuck it in a hole in the snow.

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What do you call a gathering of Asians? A chinkfest

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why did Kelsey fall off the swing? because she has no arms Knock Knock who's there? not Kelsey

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What do 9 out of 10 people like? Gang rape.

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Why do all the Republicans hate Obama? He's a Democrat.

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Why can't Tommy ride his bicycle? Because Tommys' bike has a missing pedal.

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Your mom was so fat, She was overweight.

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Why did the fridge cross the road? Because Sally has no arms

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A dying man walked into a shop and started to look at the clothing on display. Then he died.

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Why didn't Wendy want to sit down? Because her dad put a hand full of needles in her anus. - D

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A blind man asked me out last night. I told him I was seeing someone...

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What happened to the baby in the microwave? I don't really remember, I was too busy jacking off.

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What's black and white and red all over? News paper that was used to cover up a dead body.

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A man drops a penny between a Jew and a homosexual. The man says "oh excuse me," picks up his penny and continues with his day.

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An Asian man fails a math test

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Why did the girl fall off of her swing? Because she had no arms.

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Your mother is so fat that her BMI is larger than average.

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I bit a horses leg. Why? Because I thought i was a vampire. I also bit my sisters glodfish in half.. Why? Cause I wanted revenge on my sister.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

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John and Henk are walking down the street. John kills a man, the cops are coming and John runs away. Why didn't Henk ran away? Henk was a rock

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Hey, you know what sucks about being blind? You can see.

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So 2 black guys walk into a bar and the bartender looks around and say "what will you fine gentlemen have?" and they order and payed their tab and could not have been more courteous, amirite?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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