what did the single guy with no arms get for christmas? porn.

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Why did Billy cross the road? Because Billy wasn't wearing his seatbelt.

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A seal walks into a club.

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The Sun is vital to our human existence on the Earth. It also causes cancer.

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whats big, black and red all over? My mom when its that time of the month

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What do friends and potatoes have in common? If you eat them, they will die.

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How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Polity ask him to stop.

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How do you confuse a blond? Dress up as Lady Gaga and yell "Ni!" in her face.

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Q:What did the giraffe say to the sunflower? A:I like your shoelaces!

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He walked in a bar

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How do you wake up a black man? Punch him in the face.

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your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory

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Jesus: I will return. Hitler: Well I am back... Nazi as in Nazireth Bush: As I said I was elected by Gawd. Me: What? What about me? Seriously why did I put myself here? Id have three bullets with them in a room, and id still shoot you six times.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? To get to the other side

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How would you punish Helen Keller? Make her read a basketball.

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Elizabeth Warren

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Waiter. there's a fly in my soup! I apologize, I'll bring you a new one immediately.

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Why did the homeless man kill his dog? Because a drunk rich guy said he'd pay him a hundred dollars if he did.

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Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was assaulted. The other, witnessing what he'd seen, developed a harsh stereotype.

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Whats the difference between a frog?

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how many pancakes does it take to get fat if u answered this question your already fat

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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