How do you kill a blonde? Stab her...

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What's worse than finding out you have cancer? Nothing... (The game.)

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What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

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why did'n the baby wake up from his nap? because he was dead

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I had sex with my mother in law

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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knock knock father: who's there? young man: it's I, your son. father: ....... what? young man: dad let me in, I'm sorry! father: i don't have a son.... young man: but.... i love you... father: get off my porch, my son is dead to me. (whimper, fading footsteps)

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if bob has 400 pieces of chocolate and eats 200 chocolates how many does he have left. none he died from diabetes

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Is it possible to mix an answer to a question with another? No. Aids are perfect for fear training.

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Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, and Chris Brown all walk into a bar. I don't know what the punchline is, but I'm pretty sure the cops are there.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 452

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Why did the ship crash into Italy? Because a woman took over driving it!

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Uh, well I think of it as quirky and charming, odd weird, maybe unexpected, I could have looked it up but I am dying of lack of sleep here.

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What is black, white, red and blue? ..... A cow dressed as superman.

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My life :(

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You're welcome!

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How do you make a little boy get off a swing? You are an adult and perhaps it is inappropriate for you to be on a swing, especially when it is already occupied by a child of the right age.

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This is a joke setup.

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My Muslim friend is always late to everything. We call him 9/12.

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Yo mama is so so skinny, when she sits around the house, she sits comfortably in every chair. - Stephen Colbert

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How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge? If it is laying in pieces around the crumbled wreckage of your house. [L]

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Q: What's the difference between black and white? A: A lot...

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whats worse than getting killed by a random tomahawk in COD mostly anything because COD is only a video game

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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