Roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you, f*** you.

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What did the Africans get for dinner? Nothing.

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What's brown and sticky? The faeces of a glue stick.

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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How Do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door put the elephant in and close the door. How do you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door take the elephant out put the giraffe in and close the door. The lion king has a meeting with all the animals but one doesn't turn up, which one is it? The giraffe because it's still in the fridge.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Look whos talking Matt Critchley

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? Blind.

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What did the cat say when it stepped in poo? Meow.

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I once had my heart broken by my first true love. I then died, she was convicted of murder and my family grieved over my death.

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what has two legs and is red all over? half a cat

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Why doesn't Squidward wear pants? Because he's a pervert

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Whats white and can talk? Snow, i lied about the colour

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What's the difference between a black man and a park seat? A park seat can support a family

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What does Spiderman do everyday? Aunt May

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Whats black and has white cream in it? Oreos

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? An orange parrot

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Q. What did Nelson say to his men before they boarded ship? A. "Board ship men"

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There are two muffins in the oven. One says: "It's really getting hot in here!" The other one can't reply because it is already dead.

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What happpens when a Jew walks into a wall with a boner? He breaks his nose

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whats the difference between jimmy saville and a horse? jimmy has a bigger cock

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A man with no face walks into a bar, another man sees this and promptly asks "Sir, why do you have no face?" The first man says nothing and walks away.

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What's brown and green, has six legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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