1,984

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why was the cancer patient in the hospital? Her mother threw a rock at her head.

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Apple.

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Q: Why were the two elephants kicked off the beach? A: They were both level 4 sex offenders.

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What's the difference between a duck and a goose? They're two completely different water fowl.

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What's green and falls fom a tree? A dump truck. I lied about it being green.

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Scout? The Scout gets to come home from camp.

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What did the girl fruit say to the boy fruit when he wanted to marry her? "No."

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Why was the brick acting yellow? No, because it's allowed via Tuesday.

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A man walks out of a bar followed by the people he came with because they just announced "last call". The man is the designated driver for the night.

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Why did the car slam its brakes on? There was a infant under the bonnet.

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Roses are red violets are blue i heart my toilet Becuase it holds all my POO!!!!!!!!

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why did the duck cross the road? More than likely there was something that appeals to the duck on the other side such as a pond or duck food. On the contrary there could also be something that did not appeal to the duck on the side from which he is departing from such as a lack of a pond or a lack of duck food.

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3 jews walk into a bar I lied it was a gas chamber

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what do you call a black guy who flies planes? a pilot

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Grammar ... the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

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What do the pope and an orange have in common? They're both fruits. Except for the pope.

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Your mother is so ugly that when she looks in the mirror she feels bad about her appearance.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Who eats chicken noodle soup? Anybody who enjoys chicken noodle soup.

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Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

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9/11/01 was a terrible day I got dirt on my suit when touring NY

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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