A blonde girl walks into a car.

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What did batman say to robin before getting into the bat mobile? Don't touch my penis.

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How is an orange like an airplane? They both have wings except an orange doesn't have wings

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what did the cat say to the monkey meow then he got hit by a car

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why did the onion fall out of the bag? ...there was a hole in the bag so the onion fell out

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What's the deal with airplane food? Why don't they serve it as a complimentary part of the flight anymore?

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What's funnier than the Holocaust? The Holocaust is not an idea of the slightest humor at all. Millions of innocent civilians were slaughtered, millions more were sent to brutal concentration camps where they would fight for a crumb of food on the ground and get terribly punished for it, and live their whole lives in pain, torture, and starvation, millions more were sent to concentration camps then murdered, and millions of people, including children were left without family or anywhere to live. On top of that, their whole lives they were mistreated for their differences, and never got to live up to their dreams because of this horrifying event. It left the world in shock for years after, and scars of the event still live on in present-day families whose ancestors were harmed in the Holocaust. The terrible memory of it will never leave this Earth.

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Old guitars sound like cat's guts

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What do you call two banana's on someone's feet? Garbage.

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It was a dark and stormy night. The whole family waiting for the phone to ring as they await for a criminal to give instructions. Then the phone rings... RING RING Jeffery: "Hello? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. No sir please don't! No, have mercy! Yes sir. No sir, no. Yes sir. Bye." Donald: "What did the man say?" Jeffery: "Wrong number..."

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Why is the fat man fat? Because he has an extremly bad metabolism which makes him gain two pounds from eating one cheeseburger

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How do you stop your child from picking his nose? Cut his hands off

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What did the lamp say to the pencil? Nothing. Lamps and pencils are inanimate objects and are also non sentient so therefore are incapable of talking or listening or having any emotions.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting ran over by a truck.

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A nuclear reactor explodes and all the waste are going straight out in the ocean. Sucks to be a fish.

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Have you seen the painting by Stevie Wonder? It's a Monet and this museum's most prized piece. Just kindly ask Mr. Wonder to step aside a bit.

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Whats small, red and white, and would kill you if shot out of a cannon? A decapitated baby

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What do you call the man who graduated medical school last in his class? Doctor

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Why did someone see a penguin walking in the desert? They were dreaming, because Penguins waddle and live in the Arctic.

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What did Santa Clause say to Rudolf? Nothing. Santa's not real.

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A Russian gentleman walks into a bar and requests a vodka which the bartender promptly supplies. Shortly thereafter a Turkish gentleman enters escorting a Llama on a leash and requests a vodka to which the bartender responds: "Your animal is not allowed on the premise, I am going to have to ask you to leave." The Turkish gentleman apologizes for his ignorance of the local customs and excuses himself, and shortly thereafter the Russian finishes his Vodka, pays, and leaves as well.

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YOU

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What do you call a muslim in an airplane? Whatever his name may be, though you could, of course, choose not to address him, though if it were a two-seater plane, it would be good manners to exchange polite conversation.

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Your momma's so fat she died five years ago.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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