What did the woman do when her husband told her to make him a sandwich? She made him a sandwich promptly.

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What do you call a room with a white man a black man and a hot pocket? A reasonable meal

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Yo mama so fat when she looked at the scale it said to be continued

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A man walks into a bar and says ouch.

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What's funny about a small child with no arms, no legs? Nothing.. Nothing at all.

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Why did the boy die? He had cancer.

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What Do You Call The White House When Obama Is President? What? The White House.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? Whatever you like, it can't hear you.

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Before Super Mario existed what did people play? Instruments.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a dog in your apple

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That awkward moment when you wonder why this person keeps stepping on you, and you realize that you’re a shoe.

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What goes in your mouth long and hard, and comes out soft and sticky? A stick of bubblegum.

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Bob: What's red and goes ding-a-ling? Trudy: A red ding-a-ling? Bob: Yes. What's blue and goes ding-a-ling? Trudy: A blue ding-a-ling? Bob: No, they only come in red.

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Knock knock Who's there? Impatient Hellen Keller. Impatient Hellen Keller who? ...

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Why did the man put his penis in the baby? Because it's warmer than a watermelon.

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Q: What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? A: A lot of things.

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Billy: You're so ugly you made an onion cry! Jack: I'm rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces back and sticks to you. Billy was so upset at what he said and decided to leave.

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Alot of people try to make shitty jokes on this webpage, thinking they're funny. They aren't.

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What did the fish say when it hit the big stone wall? DAM

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So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

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So a Dog walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of skotch, the bartender realizes he must be dreaming. At that very moment he realises he is in a lucid dream. Since this is the case he decides to murder his wife who is in bed right next to him as an expiriment. Since its a lucid dream it doesnt matter. Next he goes down to the fridge and pulls out some old pizza. He sits down for about half an hour eating it along with a box of tuis that also magically appeared in his fridge. Then he goes outside steals the neighbours car takes it for a ride to his Sister-In-Laws house who he has always wanted to root. He goes over breaks the window with his hand. The lucid dream feels so real to him because he pains from the glass in his hand and then he goes up stairs finds his sister-in-law sleeping so he hops into bed with her. At the same moment the police arrive because they followed him from his home were they recieved complants they heard him kill his wife. Everything starts to turn into a nightmare, so scared he trys to make himself wake up. However he cannot. This is not a lucid dream. This is reality. Pizza was in his fridge because he had it for dinner the night before, Beer did not magically appear. his wife had bought it when she went gorccery shopping. He killed his wife, then stole his neighbours car and attempted to rape his Sister-in-law. So now he is going to jail. And no lawyer wants to take up the case so this man is doomed. No hope at all of ever being a free man again

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What did the doctor say to the man with cancer? You have cancer.

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Whats the difference between a frog?

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Why did the first Monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the second Monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first Monkey. Why did the third Monkey fall out of the tree? He thought it was a game.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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