what did Harry Potter get for christmas? ... nothing his parents are dead !

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Zombies eat brains! (You're safe)

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A bear walked into a bar and said to the bartender," I'd li.........................ke one beer please. " The bartender replied, " Sure. But why the big pause? "

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What happens when a leprechaun refuses to give you his pot of gold? He doesn't give you his gold.

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What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.

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death drives to the bus stop where 3 pensioners are waiting for a bus to london, and says GET IN THE VAN!

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A postal worker creeps past a sleeping bulldog. The dog does not wake up, and the mail is delivered successfully.

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What do you call a black guy selling drugs? A pharmacist.

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What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing really, it just let out a little whine.

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I walked in ony my daughter masturbating. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable, but I sat her down at the dining table to discreetly explain the necessity of locking doors.

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What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot.... ya' damn racist!

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A Muslim walked into a bar....nothing happened

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What do you call a black pilot? A niigger

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Well Erron, its your lucky day then. I wont even ask what a cream pie is.

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Q: Whats A Schoolbus Full Of Black Children??? A: A Rotten Banana!!!

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Roses are red violets are blue come on love show me you boobs/by kw

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How do you make time fly? Develop a flying suit to put on a sun dial.

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What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

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Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh wait; it would be quite unsanitary to talk about my genitals in front of you.

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What does 2 + 2 equal? 4

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The tall man says; How's theweather downn there? he's talking to smurf

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A christian and an atheist are in a bar. The christian says "if you don't accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior you will go to hell." The atheist replies "No I won't."

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Knock Knock Who's There Your doctor... You have Aids

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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