"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just two, but I'd like to know how they got in there.

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What is blue and flies across the room? A baby with a punctured lung.

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Who enjoys hearty wank sessions with friends and long walks on the beach? David Cameron.

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How do you make time fly? Develop a flying suit to put on a sun dial.

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A man walks into a resteraunt and joins his friends. Then he realized he had no friends. ~YN~

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I have a dick just for you

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After thinking hard for a very long time, the pig realized he was a fat, worthless piece of shit.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 had a gun.

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Hi

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knock knock whos there knock knock whos there knock knock whos there poor billy didnt know that the knocking was just a tree branch and he stayed asking the same question for 21 years

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hot diggity dog

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How do you find out how many Mexicans are living in the United States? Take a Census.

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s o m a a d i t u n y s n i t a c s d c ' s k h k s t o e l y e

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kknocckkck knockckkckccck hue's theeeair? TTThhe pOOOliCCee. fffor whaaa? yyouu rr arreesstedd forrr drrunkkkc dddrivvinnng! Puuut urerre frreaakkki'n hannnddss uppp!

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Hey i heard You were a wierd kid ooooooooooalskdfjaslkdfj

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What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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women's rights

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Why doesn't Micheal Jackson do a music video with Usher? Because he is dead.

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Q: What is a laptop that sings? A: A Dell

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What's white and capable of flash photography? A pony, I lied about the photography.

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What do you call an indian driving a plane? A pilot.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick!

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2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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