What do you get when you cross your eyes? A headache.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human language promptly shits on the floor then leaves.

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A fish swims into a wall. It does not say anything, seeing as fish do not possess vocal chords and therefore are incapable of speech.

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Why does people with tourettes curse so much? Fuck should I know?

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Why was the man bad at football? - he is chad henne

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Two black men are sitting next to each other on a bench when a woman walks by. The first man says "Damn, that's a nice pair of tits!". The second man said "Yes, she does posses a supple and voluptuous bosom." The cat that was sitting underneath the bench then began cleaning himself.

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What did the one battery say to the other? Nothing. Batteries can't talk.

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have difficulty understanding each other.

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What's worse than getting a divorce? Nuclear warfare

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What do you call a handyman with no arms? By his name.

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A young girl walks out of a bar then gets raped.

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Whats worse than a rotten tomato. a fridge hitting your baby.

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9/11 jokes are just plane wrong

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Why shouldn't you drink and drive? Because you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

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Kim Kardashian got a job.

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Why did the woman make so many sandwiches? Because she was a mother catering her child's sporting event.

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A man spots Bill Murray at a restaurant in Los Angeles. He proceeds to tell his friends the story, who in turn believe him, as the story is plausible.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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Why is it pointless to brutally kill and dismember a Japanese man? You'd be satisfying his sexual fetish.

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A sad-looking man entered a bar. The barman asked, "why so sad?" The man replied, "I have a terminal illness."

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Why did Daphie die? I stabbed her 487 times.

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what is red and lies on the floor? the boy that jumped out of the plane

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, here's some candy, gent in the van.

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Why didn't the man stop at the stop sign? He was violently killed turning at the last intersection

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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